Too much observation

It’s, as we write this, one of those days. Busy. In a busy week. There a few interactions planned today, unavoidable…

Which reminds us that we need to get some time for our artist. Partly, because we lack “balance” if we do not all get time. Partly because it’s a piece based on our phrase “too many eyeballs”.

As in, we are exhausted physically/mentally/emotionally because there are too many damn eyeballs observing us.

Kind of like being stuck in a panopticon1, but instead of a single observer and many being watched, we it’s us at the centre and hundreds looking in 😱

Suspect this will be a not unfamiliar feeling to any that have to mask in order to function within the society/family/situation in which they have to exist.

Pretty sure it will manifest differently, but at it’s core essence, removing the observers will remove the pressure the observer exerts.

Worth noting, that for us at least, even a passive/benevolent observer can trigger that response, even if they try not to. The societal pressure of decades cannot easily be undone.

It’s why solitude for us is not loneliness.

It’s a vital part of our coping mechanism.

Sometimes even if time on the hill is not healing, it is at the very least respite.

Taken a long time to figure out how/why we function as we do.

But we have a strategy for survival now, and it’s just getting it put sustainably in place going forwards that we need to achieve.

Something we are happy to say despite recent challenges, we are working towards.


  1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Panopticon ↩︎