Not here at the moment..

Probably gone hillward…

Us overlooking a snowy corrie You could think of us as a human, but we feel are often just LARPing a human being within a 21st century Western society.

With all the slightly cringe worthy tells. Slightly off intonation and phrasing. Costume that’s trying just a bit too hard. Only able to operate within the strict parameters of the designated scenario. Not sure if it’s a step up from feeling like a badly written AI, or just different.

Some days we do feel all too much like The Dixie Flatline, unable to ever evolve.

Weirdly, three times we have mapped our consciousness to compare against images of AI systems. The said McCoy, Eunice the laminar in Agency and because someone compared our writing to Poe, the AI hotel in Altered Carbon.

But that’s just me fronting as our Analyst, for an inkling into the rest of us, see the About.

Catastrophic Failure Of Care

Below is what we ended up sending to our GP, NHS Grampian, Nuffield Brighton, our MSP and a few others… Each getting added contextual information. How the hell this came about, we are several days later, still unclear. Nobody will give us a straight reason at this time. For now, we try to hold it together, fight on. Try to seek answers to stop our future treatment failing again or being prejudiced based on them thinking we must have done something to deserve this....

April 17, 2024 · 10 min · COTH

Transistion perception ~ Us v Them

We wrote a version of this on the fediverse a long whil ago, and kind of lost it, so here for posterity Funny, when we first introduce the fact that we are trans to people, we often have to correct their idea of what our transition will lead to. They bizarrely seem to think that we are looking to give up our strength and resilience. Which is really odd to us, as we have never seen that through the male/female binary....

February 24, 2023 · 1 min · COTH

Thoughts on prolonged death

It has long occurred to us, that many people’s views on death and dying have been skewed over the years in the society we live in. Several key moments have crystallised this for us. The most recent being visiting a relative in a care home that is in the late stages of Parkinson’s and old age. She receives, for our society, what would be considered extremely good care. It is a place where the staff care, and the facilities are good....

September 15, 2022 · 6 min · COTH

Autism over the years, why does it get harder and not easier?

We have been musing and ruminating on why some aspects of our life have got harder over the years. After all, it is not like the pre/post autism diagnosis us are different beings pivoting on that external validation. We haven’t suddenly gone, “Oh, we are autistic, we should now find X difficult”. Certainly, there is plenty that we have always found difficult or tiring, that we can subsequently frame in the language of autism to help explain and understand....

February 18, 2022 · 5 min · COTH


Some things we wrote in warmer times, but were reminded of when writing about relation. Given the reductionist allure of science to break things into ever smaller pieces, which is a powerful tool, the resultant myopia can leave one out of touch with much larger complex systems. It is as a constellation of complexity that we each move through vastly greater complex systems. We can chose to acknowledge this and be in a state of awareness of our relation to it, or not....

November 23, 2021 · 3 min · COTH